Toil and Trouble
by Bardess of Avon
Summary: ...in which Action refuses to pin the tail on the donkey, Anybodys chases A-Rab with a baseball bat, the Jets explore a haunted factory, and Riff is a pirate. Rated for naughty words and typical Halloween costumes. Happy Halloween!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I literally started writing this on Thursday morning and finished at about one in the morning on Friday (or technically Saturday, I guess). It turned out to be longer than I had originally intended (hence the reason it's two chapters instead of just one), which both pleases me and makes me nervous. This is a somewhat silly piece of fanfiction that was very, very strongly influenced by various Halloween/horror movies, which I am a huge fan of. Also I have to credit "Monster Mash" and "Thriller," which are surprisingly conducive to my Halloween muse. Also excessive amounts of ramen, which I think I may have developed an unhealthy addiction to.

Pretty much every costume in this fic (with the exception of a few) was suggested by or **viennacantabile**. Also, I did research plausible costumes in 1956, and I just have to warn you that teenage girls then? Were only _slightly_ more conservative than teenage girls now.

The two jokes Snowboy tells were borrowed from my history professor, who said them on the first day of classes. I'm not saying they're good.

Finally, reviews are love. C'mon, it's Halloween; a treat would be nice ;)

Disclaimer: _West Side Story_ and all its surrounding characters belong to Ernest Lehman. Halloween belongs to the Celts. The only thing that's mine is the idea.

Enjoy!

* * *

_Halloween, 1956_

_Tony's Halloween Party_

"Trick-or-_treat_, Graz, baby," Riff said in delight, eyeing his girlfriend's outfit approvingly.

"An' you thought we would look silly," Graziella giggled, tapping his nose. It was true that Riff had initially opposed the idea of he and his girl dressing up like a pirate and his wench and had only given in when Graziella had promised something about a very short skirt and fishnet stockings. Now, seeing just how short that skirt really was, he was very pleased he had agreed to go as Calico Jack and not a fighter pilot to match Tony.

And speaking of whom, the taller Jet was engaged in conversation with Snowboy and Joyboy, who had dressed as Tweedledum and Tweedledee, respectively. They looked absolutely ridiculous, but nobody beat Mouthpiece's enormous dinosaur costume. The blond boy was currently trying to bob for apples, not realizing that the jaws of the dinosaur were blocking his head from the basin. Cheering him on was Tiger, who looked as if he had thrown together his costume five minutes before the party—he was wearing a white sheet with two sloppily-cut eye holes.

Of course, that was better than Ice and Action, both of whom had staunchly refused to wear a costume. Pauline, sporting a skin-tight cat suit with a tail and cat ears, kept insisting Action was Grumpy the Dwarf. Velma, having chosen to go as Grace Kelly, joked that Ice was her bodyguard—considering the close proximity he kept to her, it was a believable "costume." And then, on the complete opposite end of the spectrum, was Baby John, who had shown up in a Captain Marvel outfit—complete with the cape. The youngest Jet was currently talking to Minnie, who was, unsurprisingly, going as Dorothy.

There was a small shriek from the corner as A-Rab, wearing a cape and a set of rubber fangs, chased after Bernice, who was sporting a witch outfit that left very little to the imagination. Clarice rolled her eyes at her sister and twirled her black flapper beads around her finger. "_Honestly,_" she huffed.

Gee-Tar, having heard earlier that Clarice was going as a flapper, had also decided to dress in 1920s clothes. He swallowed. "You look real pretty tonight, Clarice. Are ya Ginger Rogers from that _Roxie Hart_ movie?"

Clarice frowned. "No, I'm Zelda Zanders from _Singin' in the Rain_."

"'Cept yer prettier," came a voice from behind her.

Clarice turned around and beamed at her boyfriend. "Frankie!"

Big Deal grinned as he kissed his girlfriend. "So, how do I look?"

Clarice giggled. "Very handsome, Mr. Capone."

Big Deal grinned again as he snaked an arm around her waist. He glared at Gee-Tar. "Oh, hi. Who are you s'posed ta be?"

"Um…" Gee-Tar looked down at his clothes.

"Please tell me that ain't a water gun."

The three of them looked up as Anybodys approached, gesturing to Big Deal's holster with her baseball bat. Big Deal rolled his eyes. "It's not a water gun. An' who're you s'posed ta be? An uninvited guest?"

"_I'm_ Babe Ruth," she announced proudly, ignoring his jab. It was true that she had not been invited, surprising everyone when she showed up in full costume, but they ultimately figured it wasn't worth running her out.

Gee-Tar scoffed. "Babe Ruth was a man."

"Hey, I figured if you could try to dress like a man tonight, so could I," the tomboy said impishly, smirking as Gee-Tar colored.

"You little—" he started.

"Anybody wanna play 'pin the tail on the donkey'?" Mouthpiece piped up. Tiger, trying to locate the board through his misshapen eye holes, pinned the tail on the wall several feet from the board.

"I'll pin the tail in yer ass!" Action snapped. "God, thought there'd be somethin' ta _do_ at a party."

"Who says there ain't?" Pauline purred, resting a hand on her hip.

"There's bobbing for apples," Minnie volunteered.

"I heard they're doin' a haunted house at the gym," A-Rab said after removing his fangs. "Glad Hand's supposed ta be Frankenstein or somethin'."

"Like he could get any freakier," Bernice cackled.

"Screw that," Snowboy snorted. "I know a _real_ haunted place, not some cardboard set fer trick-or-treaters."

The chattering died down as every eye turned to him. Anybodys, resting her baseball bat on her shoulder, demanded, "Oh yeah? What place's that?"

A wicked smirk broadened Snowboy's face. "The old Deaver place."

"Ya mean that abandoned factory?" Graziella piped up.

Snowboy nodded. "Legend has it that eight, nine years ago on Halloween night, seven teenagers went inside an' were gonna make noises inside like it was haunted. They split up so they could cover the different floors." He gave a dramatic pause, and if anyone hadn't been listening before, they were paying rapt attention now. "Well, one-a the guys goes up to the second floor after awhile an' says to the guys there, 'Hey, you seen Susie?' An' they say, 'No, we ain't seen Susie.' So they go up to the third floor an' ask the guy an' girl there, 'Hey, is Susie here?' An' they go, 'No, she ain't here.' Just then, there was a blood-curdling scream from the first floor."

Clarice, eyes wide, gripped Big Deal's arm.

"So the five of 'em go down to the first floor an' call fer Susie, but nobody's there." Snowboy paused. "At least, _not that they saw_." After another dramatic pause, he continued. "So they decide ta go up to the fourth floor where Johnny's stayin'."

"His name was _Johnny_?" Baby John squeaked.

Snowboy nodded gravely. "Oh, yes. His name was Johnny. So, they go upstairs an' call fer Johnny, but _he ain't there either_. So they start to get freaked out, 'cause Johnny woulda had ta pass everybody else ta get out. So they say ta Joe (that's Susie's boyfriend), 'Say, Joe, why wasn't Susie with you?' An' he says, 'Well, she hadda use the bathroom.' So they say, 'Well, let's look in the bathroom, then.' So they go pokin' around an' finally find a sign—the bathroom's in the basement."

"Not the basement!" Clarice, who was digging her fingernails into Big Deal's arm, groaned.

Snowboy's eyes took on a wild look. "They go into the basement...an' see Susie an' Johnny lyin' in pieces on a table!"

Graziella gagged.

"But what they didn't know…was that somebody was BEHIND THEM!" Snowboy ended with a shout.

At that precise moment, Joyboy, whom no one had noticed slinking around in the back, grabbed Bernice's shoulders. She let out a horror-movie shriek which, in turn, made Clarice and Minnie scream. The Jets roared with laughter.

"That's not _funny_, Snowboy!" Clarice snapped once she had recovered.

"Was too," Joyboy choked. "God, you should-a seen yer faces!"

Bernice whacked his hat off with her broom.

"Is that a _real_ story, Snowboy?" a wide-eyed Minnie asked as the laughing died down, clutching the stuffed "Toto" she had stowed in her basket.

Snowboy smirked. "Maybe…maybe not. That's just what I've heard. An' y'know, legend _has_ it that the seven bodies were _never found_."

"Oh yeah?" Anybodys snorted. "Then how'd this _legend_ get started, seein' as how all seven witnesses are supposedly dead?"

Snowboy frowned.

"Well, why don't we go find out?" Tony suggested with a wicked look. "Poke around that ol' factory an' see if we find any bodies—or pieces of 'em."

"I am _not_ ruinin' my outfit by crawlin' around in some dusty ol' abandoned factory!" Graziella huffed, smoothing out her skirt.

"I dunno, Graz," Riff said, grinning as he toyed with his clip-on gold earring. "It could be fun."

Graziella gaped. "Ya can't be _serious_?"

"No, I'm Riff," he said easily. "Look, why not? If it's only legend, there's nuthin' ta be afraid of."

"Except fer spiders," Baby John muttered.

"The teeny-weeny spider," Mouthpiece began to sing under his breath.

A-Rab rolled his eyes. "It's the _itsy-bitsy_ spider, Mouthpiece."

"Like A-Rab," Anybodys offered, snickering and ducking as A-Rab swung at her.

"Well, _I_ ain't scared," Action declared, stepping forward proudly.

"I ain't, either," Anybodys was quick to add, swinging her bat as if to demonstrate her bravado.

"All those in favor of goin', raise yer hands," Riff ordered. All the Jets raised their hands; Baby John's shaky arm was the last to rise. Riff grinned. "All right, then! I, ah, guess you girls can stay here while we _men_ explore."

"Now hold up just a minute!" Graziella said indignantly, puffing up. "We are _not_ gonna stay here alone while you _boys_ have fun! _Right_, girls?"

The twins looked as if they did not at all mind staying there alone while the boys had their fun, but they did not dare speak up against Graziella. Velma offered a weak, "Um, right, Graz."

"We don't wanna keep up with a bunch-a girls in their prissy little heels an' dumb costumes," Action snapped. He paused, eyeing Pauline's own "dumb costume." "On second thought…"

"Well, that's settled, then," Tony said, clapping his hands together. "Let's go!"

And so, with much groaning from the girls and much whooping and hollering from the boys, the group set off from Tony's apartment and towards the old Deaver factory near Hell's Kitchen.

"Gee, I'm cold," Bernice said after a few blocks, making a show of rubbing her arms.

"Maybe you should-a put more clothes on," Clarice said impishly, snuggling into Big Deal's side as he wrapped his arms around her.

"Now, now, there's no need fer that!" said Snowboy, swinging an obliging arm around Bernice's bare shoulders. "I happen ta like the amount-a clothes you have on, Bernice."

Anybodys made a face. "If I hafta hear anymore-a that, I'm shootin' myself."

"Good; do us all a favor," Graziella said derisively.

"Hey, why can't witches have babies?" Snowboy said out of nowhere.

A few of the Jets asked halfheartedly, "Why?"

"'Cause their husbands have hollow-weenies!" he cracked, sniggering at his own joke.

"Ugh," everyone groaned.

"No? Okay, try this one on fer size: why can't gypsies have babies?"

"I'm gonna make sure _you_ can't have babies," Anybodys muttered, swinging her bat.

"'Cause their husbands have crystal b—"

"Hey, is that it?" Baby John said suddenly, pointing to a four-story building down the street.

"Sure is!" Tony said, grinning. "The old Deaver place. It used ta be owned by a ladies' hat-making company, but they converted it to a munitions factory during the war. By the time the war was over, the company'd gone bankrupt an' shut down, an' nobody wanted ta buy the place, so it's just been sittin' there fer eleven years."

"Say, Tony, didn't yer ma say that several workers died mysteriously there?" Riff asked, waggling his eyebrows in a way that indicated this was not true at all.

"Why, yes, Riff, they did," Tony said innocently. "One fella was using a chainsaw, an' it was so loud that he didn't hear his buddy come up behind him, so when his buddy tapped him on the shoulder, he whirled around an' sliced through-"

"Knock it off," Graziella huffed, shivering nonetheless.

They managed to pick the lock of the gate fairly easily, thanks to one of Velma's bobby pins, and ascended the concrete steps to the building with mounting anticipation. It only took a few hard shoves from the boys for the double-doors at the entrance of the factory to cave in; the group spilled in, whispering in hushed wonderment as they looked around. There was enough light from the full moon outside to illuminate the building to the point where they could make out their neighbor; gradually, everyone's eyes adjusted to the light.

"All right," Tony said as they all came to a halt in the foyer. "Now, if we're gonna go explorin' around this place, I say we do it in pairs, otherwise we'll never get anywhere. I counted on the way over, an' there'll be one group-a three; that'll be I an' the twins."

Tiger, the last one to enter the building, stumbled into Graziella. "Sorry," he mumbled, his voice muffled by the cloth.

"I'll be Tiger's partner," Mouthpiece volunteered, patting his best friend's head.

"Anyone else have any preferences?" Riff asked, adjusting the fake parrot attached to his shoulder.

"I say all the girls oughta be partnered up with a guy," Bernice declared at once, eyeing the surrounding area with great trepidation—she was sure she heard a rat scuttling across the floorboards.

"Fair enough," Riff ceded. "So I an' Graz'll go together, then Ice an' Velma, an' Big Deal an' Clarice, which leaves Minnie, Pauline, an' Bernice. Oh, and Anybodys."

"I don't—" Anybodys began, but she was cut off.

"I'll go with Action," Pauline interrupted, her tail swaying as she sauntered to Action's side. The Jet raised no complaints.

"I'll go with Minnie," Baby John offered, smiling shyly as Minnie beamed at him.

Gee-Tar, realizing that he only had two choices, hastily said, "Uh, Bernice…?"

A-Rab groaned. "_Not_ the Breastless Wonder!"

"Do I _have_ to?" Anybodys whined. "Tony don't have a partner!"

"I'm goin' with the twins," Tony reminded her, resting his arms on Snowboy and Joyboy's shoulders. "You two can play nice fer a little while, can't ya?"

Before they could reply that no, there was no way they could ever play nice with each other, Riff spoke up again. "Well, now that that's taken care of, let's split up, yeah?" He flipped up his eye patch so he could get a better look at the assembled. "I an' Graz'll take the fourth floor; Al Capone an' his…flapper…friend—"

"Zelda Zanders," Clarice sighed, twirling her black beads around her finger again.

"—can take the third floor; Gee-Tar an' Hocus Pocus can cover the second floor." He glanced at the remaining Jets and girls. "Hmm. Casper an' his dinosaur can take the first floor; Action an' Catwoman can cover the machine room."

"I an' Tweedledee an' Tweedledum'll take the basement," Tony announced.

"Oh, won't that be scary?" Minnie asked fearfully.

"We're Jets; what could happen to us?" Tony said glibly.

"Okay, but that still leaves six," Riff said after counting. "Captain Marvel an' Dorothy, you two patrol outside; any of the cops look like they're gonna stop, give us a signal."

"What kinda signal?" Baby John asked, wide-eyed.

"The Jet whistle, you moron!" Action scoffed.

"I was just _askin'_," Baby John huffed. "C'mon, Minnie."

"Okay," Minnie said cheerfully, the red glitter on her shoes twinkling as she and Baby John fairly skipped outside.

Tony frowned. "Actually, A-Rab, why don't you an' the Great Bambino here keep an eye on 'em?"

"I didn't dress up like a babysitter!" Anybodys groused even as she followed A-Rab outside, swinging her bat and leaving a dent in the wall as she did so.

"What about I an' Ice?" Velma asked.

Riff considered it. "You two can take the fourth floor too, I guess; I, ah, don't think we'll be runnin' into each other much," he added with a wink in Ice's direction.

"Sound good ta everyone?" Tony asked. When everyone replied that yes, that sounded fine to them, he grinned. "Swell; now let's see if we can't have some good-ol'-fashioned Halloween fun, eh?"

As the group headed up the stairs, they gradually split off: Tony and the twins to the basement; Mouthpiece, Tiger, Action, and Pauline to the first floor; Gee-Tar and Bernice to the second floor; Big Deal and Clarice to the third floor; and Riff, Graziella, Ice, and Velma to the fourth floor.

"It's creepy in here," Graziella said, worming even further into Riff's side.

"Well, it's a good thing you girls got some big, strong Jets ta take care-a ya," Riff said, winking at Ice. "Say, what's that?"

"What?" Ice asked, turning to look in the direction Riff had pointed. "I don't see—" He turned to look at Riff, only to find the Jet captain and his orange-haired girlfriend scampering off down the hallway. He rolled his eyes at Velma, who was giggling.

"Are you surprised?" she asked.

Ice chuckled. "Not really." He took her hand. "Y'know, that ain't a bad idea, actually…"

Velma smirked and stepped back. "Now, Ice, we came here ta explore; let's not fool around."

"No, _let's_ fool around," Ice groaned, reaching for her again.

She giggled and danced a step back. "C'mon, Ice; it'll be fun."

"There're other ways we could be havin' fun," Ice muttered, following her down the hallway.

* * *

"Marianne Louise Goddard!"

Baby John winced as a very familiar and none-too-welcome voice sounded. Minnie turned around and beamed. "Hello, Daddy!"

Officer Goddard, leaning out of the squad car, did not return her smile. "_What_ are you doing out here alone with this…_boy_?"

"Well—"

"We were just trick-or-treatin'," Baby John lied at once, knowing that Minnie could never lie to her father.

Officer Goddard was not impressed. "Really."

Baby John swallowed. "Really."

Officer Goddard's facial expression didn't change. "That's funny; you don't have a bag ta trick-or-treat with."

Baby John paled. "Well, ya see—"

"It's all in my basket," Minnie said sweetly. Baby John gaped; he didn't think she had it in her. "It would look kind of silly if Johnny carried around a bag, so I offered to put it in my basket."

Officer Goddard didn't look quite as menacing now. "Oh. Well, where are your friends?" He frowned again. "Why are you two _alone_?"

"Oh, Daddy, Johnny's perfectly harmless," Minnie laughed.

Something caught her father's attention and he frowned once more. "Say, it looks like someone broke into the factory!"

Baby John winced. "Oh, really? I, uh, didn't see nuthin'."

"I'm gonna take a look," the officer declared, getting out of his car and heading towards the factory.

"Oh, _no_," Baby John groaned.

* * *

"Dammit," Anybodys hissed. "He's gonna go right in there an' we're all gonna get hauled ta the station!"

"We gotta distract him," A-Rab groaned.

"How?" Anybodys asked, her mind racing.

A-Rab thought for a moment. "I got it," he said suddenly, snapping his fingers. "I just hope I don't live ta regret it."

* * *

Graziella frowned. "Riffy-poo, you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Riff asked, still very intent on his girlfriend's very ample bosom.

"Somebody shoutin'," Graziella said, her voice growing insistent. "_Listen_!"

Riff heard it; somebody was shouting in horror. He frowned, stepping back and listening harder. "I'm gonna check this out."

"Ya think someone's hurt?" Graziella asked, hurriedly retying the laces on her corset.

Riff shook his head. "I dunno. Go wait with Ice an' Velma 'til I get back."

"Okay…but be careful!" she warned.

Riff smiled winningly before kissing her. "Don't worry about me, babe. Now go on; scram." He gave her rear a hearty slap before jogging towards the stairwell. He paused at the top, watching to make sure Graziella obeyed his orders, before heading down the flight of stairs. He let out the Jet whistle as he reached the third-floor landing. It was returned a moment later, and he jogged forward to meet an unsurprisingly rumpled-looking Big Deal and Clarice. "You two heard that shoutin'?"

"Yeah; we were wonderin' what it was," Clarice said breathlessly, adjusting her feather-headband.

"That's what I'm tryin' ta figure out," Riff said.

"Need some help?" Big Deal offered.

Riff shook his head. "Nah; I'll be fine. Lemme know if ya find anything, okay?"

"Sure thing, Riff," Big Deal agreed, nodding as Riff headed down the stairs again.

Clarice turned to her boyfriend. "What _was_ that shouting? It wasn't from upstairs, an' it didn't sound like it came from the second floor…ya think somebody got hurt?"

Big Deal shook his head. "Ya got me."

* * *

The shouting had, in fact, been A-Rab running furiously from around the corner of the factory. "HELP ME!" he bawled as Anybodys, delighted at what his plan had entailed, tore after him with a baseball bat.

"YOU GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE RAT!" she shrieked, swinging the bat madly.

Officer Goddard started in surprise. "What the—?"

Baby John groaned; he could only imagine what A-Rab had done to upset the tomboy this much. A-Rab and Anybodys streaked past them. A-Rab hid a grin, pleased the plan was going so well, before stumbling on his cape.

"Don't you dare screw this up," Anybodys snarled as she pretended to swing again. "I gotta chase ya all the way ta Central Park!"

Officer Goddard jumped in his squad car. "You two be careful!" he barked before putting the car in gear and zooming off after the blond and redhead, who were already two blocks away.

"Oh, I get it now!" Baby John said in awe.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Happy Halloween for real! So, I'm going to be quite honest with you here; I was extremely unconfident about last chapter, but I am even less confident about this chapter than I was about that one. I don't know, it's just written differently. Anyway, if you hate it, I'm very, very sorry. D: Just keep in mind that this chapter is a lot like "Thriller"; there are a few scary parts, like seeing Michael Jackson's ridiculously awful monster makeup or his ridiculously awful outfit, but by the end of it, you're in a good mood. If that makes _any_ sense at all. It's two in the morning again, and I make sense very little at this hour.

Also, anyone who recognizes the ketchup story is officially amazing. You know who you are.

Huge, HUGE Halloween treats to **Iwait4theRain, Vee,** and **RebelFaerie** for reviewing the first chapter; seriously, you guys just made my life by proving this fic was not a complete piece of crap that ought to be destroyed. Thank you so much!

And now, the second and final installment of _Toil and Trouble_; have a very Happy Halloween, and eat candy until your costume rips.

* * *

Bernice had thought that being in a spooky old factory in a very revealing costume with a boy would be, well, _fun_—but she had forgotten that even though they _were_ in a spooky old factory and she _was_ in a very revealing costume, this boy _was_ Gee-Tar.

"I don't think there are any dead bodies here," he said in a highly unenthusiastic tone after they had checked what had to be the hundredth office.

"Maybe not, but I know a couple-a warm ones right here," she purred in his ear.

Gee-Tar glanced around uneasily. "You really think we oughta fool around, y'know, _here_?"

"Why not?" Bernice breathed, leaning against the wall. She grabbed his belt buckle and yanked him towards her. "We're all alone, an' it's so spooky here, an' I'm _so_ vulnerable right now."

And just when Gee-Tar looked as if he might want to take her up on her offer, they both heard the Jet whistle.

"_Che cazzo_?" she growled as Gee-Tar returned the whistle.

Riff jogged into view, looking slightly out of breath as he came to a halt before them. "You two hear that shoutin'?"

Gee-Tar shook his head. "We didn't hear nuthin'."

"Probably 'cause you pitched a hissy fit when you saw that rat," Bernice reminded him, looking bored. "Thank God my Aunt Betta showed me how ta use a broom on those little bastards."

"Well, look, I an' Graziella an' Big Deal an' Clarice heard somebody shoutin'; I'm tryin' ta figure out what's goin' on," Riff said before Gee-Tar could argue with Bernice that he had _not_ been having a hissy fit. "You two notice anything, you let me know, yeah?"

"Sure," Bernice agreed, she and Gee-Tar giving a small wave as he headed for the stairwell again. She turned back to Gee-Tar. "Who d'ya think was shoutin'?"

Gee-Tar shrugged. "I dunno; ya think we woulda heard if it'd been someone right above or below us, an' I guess it wasn't anybody on the fourth floor, since that's where Riff was."

"Yeah, but how'd Riff hear it an' we didn't?" Bernice pointed out.

Gee-Tar thought for a long moment. "I dunno," he finally said. "But let's keep pokin' around, yeah? Maybe we'll find somethin'."

"Oh, all right," Bernice sighed, realizing Gee-Tar was absolutely hopeless. She soured as she thought of how much fun Pauline was probably having with Action right now and even how much fun her sister was having with Big Deal. Those bitches. She sauntered down the hallway and tried several of the doors, only to find all of them locked. "Damn." She turned the corner and tried the first door. "Hel_lo_!" she exclaimed in delight, pushing the door open and glancing around the room. It was darker in here than in the hallway and much more difficult to see. "Gee-Tar, hand me yer lighter." When Gee-Tar made no move to do so, she turned around to repeat her command…

…only to find that Gee-Tar was not there. Bernice frowned, peering out of the room. He wasn't in the hallway—perhaps he hadn't followed her around the corner? She stepped out of the room and turned the corner, but he wasn't there, either.

"Gee-Tar!" she hissed, squinting as she tried to make out the shadows at the very end of the hall. "Gee-Tar, where the hell are you?" When she received no answer, she huffed. "Stop messin' around, ya moron; this ain't funny!" Again, there was no answer. She huffed again, stamping her foot. "Well, fine; I'm gonna go find Clarice, since yer bein' such an idiot. An' don't you dare try ta scare me, or else I'll whack ya with my broom!" She stomped down the hallway and paused at the stairs, leaning over the railing. "Psst! Tiger, Mouthpiece!"

"Oh, hi, Bernice!" Mouthpiece called from the first floor, looking up and waving an enormous dinosaur claw.

"Did Gee-Tar go down with Riff a minute ago?" she asked.

Mouthpiece frowned in thought. "I don't think so. Tiger?"

Tiger appeared at the bottom of the stairs now, no longer wearing his "ghost" costume. "Neither one of 'em's here, Bernice; they didn't come downstairs. We've been sittin' here fer ten minutes now."

Bernice frowned. "Huh. Well, look, if ya see Gee-Tar, tell him I'm gonna shove this broom up his ass, okay?" And before they could reply, she headed up the stairs, the clacking of her heels echoing in the stairwell. She seriously doubted they'd been sitting there for ten minutes; knowing them, Riff had walked by and said hello and they had completely forgotten. She came out on the third floor. "Clarice?" she called.

"What?" Clarice returned some distance down the corridor.

Bernice moved down the hall, peering cautiously into each room should Gee-Tar be waiting for her there. He wasn't; instead, she finally found Clarice perched on Big Deal's lap in an office near the end of the corridor. "Interrupting, am I?"

"Yes," Clarice said bluntly, not moving her arms from around Big Deal's neck. "So if ya wouldn't mind leavin'…"

"I'm lookin' fer Gee-Tar; ya seen him?" Bernice asked.

Clarice shook her head, frowning. "I thought he was with you."

"I thought so too, but he's missin'," Bernice sighed, sitting on the desk. "I turned around an' he was gone. I asked Tiger an' Mouthpiece if they'd seen him, but they said no, so I figured he came up here lookin' fer you or somethin'."

"He'd better not be," Big Deal said in a very peeved voice, pulling out the plastic gun from his holster.

"Frankie, no one thinks that's real," Clarice said, rolling her eyes as she turned back to Bernice. "Maybe he just went sniffin' around an' he's lookin' fer you now."

Before Bernice could reply, they heard a muffled shout from downstairs, followed by what sounded like a scuffle. Then there was dead silence. Both girls paled.

"Frankie," Clarice whispered, clutching fistfuls of Big Deal's shirt.

Big Deal frowned and gently nudged her off, standing up. "You two stay here; I'm gonna go see what that was.

"Frankie, don't _go_!" Clarice whined, not relenting her hold on him.

"That didn't sound good, an' I ain't just gonna leave a Jet when he might be in trouble, even if it is Gee-Tar," Big Deal insisted, extricating himself from her tight grip. "Look, I'll be right back, okay? Just stay here. If I don't come back in ten minutes, go upstairs an' get Riff an' Ice."

"Frankie!"

"It'll be fine, Clarice; stop worryin'," Big Deal scoffed, leaning forward to give her a small kiss. "I'll be right back." And he disappeared out of the room.

* * *

On the fourth floor, Ice checked his watch for what had to be the seventeenth time. "It's been twenty minutes; Riff oughta be here by now," he said, frowning.

"D'ya think he's okay?" Velma asked in some concern. She had been worried when Graziella had come looking for them, saying something about Riff checking on the others; they, too, had heard the distressed shouting, and it couldn't be good. Velma hoped it was just one of the Jets playing a prank and not someone who had found a dead body—or a piece of one.

"He's probably goofin' around with Tony," Graziella snorted, examining a nail. "It'd be just like him."

"I dunno," Ice said uneasily. "I think I oughta go look for him. Just in case."

"What, an' leave us here by ourselves?" Graziella asked indignantly.

"Better you stay here than get hurt if there _is_ trouble," Ice reminded her sharply. "If ya get scared or if somethin' happens, Big Deal an' Clarice are downstairs. It's probably just some-a the guys messin' around, but I just wanna be sure." He pressed a kiss to Velma's forehead. "I'll be back," he murmured to her before moving down the hallway and disappearing around a corner.

"Well, this is just peachy," Graziella huffed, putting her hands on her hips.

"D'ya really think it's just some-a the guys messin' around?" Velma asked nervously.

Graziella rolled her eyes. "I keep forgettin' how new you are here; a-course it's just the guys bein' stupid. You missed it last year; Action an' A-Rab were missin', so we went lookin' for 'em, an' you know what those little bastards were up to? They'd covered 'emselves in ketchup an' pretended ta be dead."

This only made Velma feel a little bit better.

* * *

Minnie froze as she heard a piercing shriek. "What was that?" she whispered.

Baby John, eyes wide, shook his head. "I dunno." They waited for a few more moments, holding their breaths, before they heard another ear-splitting scream, followed by several more.

"Oh, dear," Minnie whimpered, hugging herself. "I hope they're all right."

Baby John shivered. "I hope A-Rab an' Anybodys get back soon," he said, thinking longingly of Anybodys's baseball bat.

* * *

Clarice paced up and down the length of the room. "It's been more'n ten minutes," she said frantically, toying nervously with the beads. "Frankie said if he ain't back in ten minutes ta go get Riff an' Ice."

"I'm game if you are," Bernice said, hopping off of the desk. "This place gives me the creeps."

As the sisters headed up the stairs, walking a little closer to each other than they would under normal circumstances, they heard a noise from below as if someone else was on the staircase. They froze, gripping the railing.

"H-hello?" Bernice called shakily.

There was no answer.

"Oh, let's go," Clarice whimpered, grabbing Bernice's hand as they both tore up the last few stairs. They spilled out on the fourth floor, relieved to see Velma and Graziella sitting nearby. "Frankie an' Gee-Tar are missin'," Clarice burst as soon as she saw her friends.

Velma stood up. "So are Ice an' Riff."

Clarice's eyes widened. "What? How?"

"Riff went ta go check on everyone," Graziella began, standing up and rubbing her arms.

"Yeah, I remember; he came by an' asked if we'd seen anything," Clarice remembered.

"Yeah, same here," Bernice agreed.

"Didja see him come back?" Graziella asked anxiously.

The twins bit their lips as they glanced at each other. Clarice cleared her throat. "Y'know…I didn't, actually."

"Accordin' ta Tiger an' Mouthpiece, he never even went to the first floor," Bernice said, wondering if maybe, just maybe, the two of them really _hadn't _seen Riff and Gee-Tar…

Graziella groaned.

"Ice went ta go look for him," Velma said quietly.

Clarice frowned. "He did? We didn't see him."

"Yeah, we didn't either," Bernice squeaked, now even more spooked than before.

Velma's breath caught in her throat. "H-how? He went downstairs…it ain't like he could just, just _disappear_."

"He never came to the third floor," Clarice said, beginning to panic. "I mean, we wasn't by the stairs, but if he was lookin' fer Riff, he woulda tried ta find us, wouldn't he? An' we had the door open so we could hear if somebody was comin', 'cause those stairs ain't quiet, an' we didn't hear him."

Velma swallowed. "What happened with Big Deal an' Gee-Tar?"

"Gee-Tar just up an' disappeared," Bernice explained. "We were lookin' in different rooms an' I went in one, an' I guess he didn't follow, 'cause I didn't see him. I asked Tiger an' Mouthpiece if they'd seen him, but they hadn't. I was kinda creeped out, so I went upstairs. We heard a shout an' what sounded like a fight, an' Big Deal went downstairs ta see what'd happened, an' he didn't come back, an' that was probably twenty minutes ago."

"I don't like the look-a this," Clarice groaned.

"Should we go look for 'em?" Velma asked.

"An' get _killed_?" Bernice asked in a slightly hysterical voice. "No, thanks!"

"I ain't stayin' here until somethin' bad happens," Clarice snapped. "I'm with Vel; I'm goin' ta see what's goin' on."

"Yeah, me too," Graziella agreed.

Bernice groaned. "Oh, fine! But don't come cryin' ta me if we get killed!"

Velma decided not to point out that if they were dead, they wouldn't be able to come crying to Bernice, or do anything else, for that matter. "Let's stay close," she suggested. Graziella immediately grabbed her arm. The four girls set off down the stairs, walking cautiously and freezing every time they thought they heard a noise. And there _were_ noises; it sounded as if something larger than just a rat was moving around in the walls, and it gave them the creeps. They paused at the third and second floors, calling for various Jets, but no one answered their calls. At the first floor they walked down the corridor that wound around the machine room and were upset to discover that Tiger and Mouthpiece were no longer there.

"Those morons," Graziella said, shaking her head—but even she didn't look very brave. "Probably followed a cockroach outside an' wound up in the Hudson River."

"Let's go check the machine room; maybe Action an' Pauline can't hear us in there," Velma suggested weakly. They crept into the machine room, Graziella clutching Velma's arm and the twins gripping each other's hands tightly. "Hello?" Velma called.

An earth-shattering scream that sounded as if it had come from Pauline came from somewhere below them, and Clarice jumped in fright. "_Dio Mio_," she groaned, crossing herself hurriedly.

"The basement," Bernice said in a hushed voice.

"It's _always_ the basement!" Clarice squealed. "_Always_! An' now they've got her an' they'll get us next!"

"Yer just bein' silly, that's all," Graziella said, but she looked extremely uncertain of herself. "Let's, let's go down an' see, yeah?"

The twins were not pleased with this idea in the slightest, but since they didn't want Velma and Graziella to leave them behind, they agreed with the utmost reluctance to follow the blonde and redhead downstairs. The four of them formed a tightly-knit cluster now, each girl gripping the other so tightly that their circulation was threatened to cut off. They heard a whimpering and, when their eyes adjusted to the dark, were horrified to see Pauline leaning against the wall, trembling and sobbing as she held her side. "Oh God, oh God, get me out of here," she choked. "Oh _God_!"

"Pauline," Clarice began, moving forward, but a masked figure leapt out from behind the mountain of crates behind Pauline, swinging a knife and bellowing at them. Pauline's scream curdled their blood. The four girls shrieked horrifically, ducking in each other's strangling embraces and screaming so hard that it took them several moments to realize Pauline's scream had turned into a cackle and that there were several other people behind the crates, roaring with laughter as well.

"Trick-or-_treeeat_," sang Tony as a snorting Action removed his mask and dropped the rusty knife he'd been wielding.

"Son of a _bitch_," Graziella hissed.

"You shoulda seen yer faces!" Pauline cackled, clutching her stomach and kicking her legs as her body shook with laughter.

"You bitch, you were in on this too?" Bernice shrieked, whacking her friend with her broom. "_Ma vaffanculo_!"

"That was _not_ funny, Riff!" Graziella said shrilly. "We thought youse idiots had _died_ or somethin'!"

"Aw, don't be silly, Graz-baby; Jets can't die," Riff said easily, wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Baby, don't be mad," Big Deal pleaded, reaching for Clarice. "It's just a Halloween prank; we were just havin' some fun."

"Fun fer _you_, maybe," Clarice snapped. "Meanwhile ya gave the four of us heart attacks, an' I don't even wanna think about what Baby John an' Minnie an' Anybodys an' A-Rab thought, hearin' all this screamin'!"

"Oh, A-Rab was in on it the whole time," Tony said cheerily. "That's one-a the reasons I sent him outside; damage control an' all that. Figured he'd find a way ta keep the kids outta trouble."

"I _still_ can't believe they let you in on this," Bernice huffed at Pauline.

"Eh, well, we figured Pauline wouldn't fall for it," Action said, shrugging.

Graziella glared. "Oh, an' we would?"

"Well, clearly, ya did," Action pointed out, rolling his eyes.

Graziella narrowed her eyes.

"So Tiger an' Mouthpiece were lyin'? You an' Gee-Tar really did go downstairs?" Velma asked, remembering what Bernice had said earlier. "I still don't understand how Ice got down here without Clarice or Bernice noticing, though."

Ice shook his head. "They wasn't lyin'; they really didn't know." In a lower voice, he added, "Like we were gonna let 'em screw this up."

"Then how'd ya do it?" Clarice, who was still not quite letting Big Deal touch her, wanted to know.

Riff grinned. "I'm glad you asked, Clarice." He moved to the wall and pulled up a slab, revealing what looked like a very small room. "Dumbwaiter. I climbed in on the second floor an' waited fer Gee-Tar; when we were sure Bernice went upstairs, we came out an' made some noise, got back in, an' went down to the basement. Fifteen minutes later, we sent it up ta the fourth floor an' Ice-man got in. Big Deal brought the other four downstairs, an' when we heard you girls pokin' around in the machine room, that was the signal ta go."

"So the story about the seven kids…that was all made up?" Velma asked, looking faintly amused at the elaborate plan.

"Right you are," Snowboy said happily. "I made it up on the spot, believe it or not. A-course, the whole thing was Tony's idea."

"I guess it's pretty clever," Clarice said, frowning. "But that was still a really rotten prank ta pull!"

"_I'll_ say!" Graziella huffed. "Someday, Riff Lorton, somebody's _really_ gonna get hurt, an' then you'll be sorry!"

"A-course I will," he agreed pleasantly. "Now c'mon; let's go raid that haunted house at the gym."

As the others began to move, there was a loud bang from the back. The group paused, frowning.

"Another one-a yer pranks?" Bernice asked in a very unamused tone. "'Cause I ain't fallin' for it this time."

"That's not us," Tony said slowly.

The bang sounded again.

"You can stop it now," Clarice scoffed.

"No, babe, that's really not us," Big Deal insisted, eyes wide. "We're all here."

There was a long pause as this sunk in. Suddenly there was the roar of a chainsaw revving up. Everyone yelled and tore out of the basement.

"Oh, _God_!" Anybodys cackled, peering out from behind her stack of crates. "I can't believe they fell for it!"

"You'd think they woulda learned," A-Rab hooted as he took off a monster mask he had nabbed on the way over. He set down the chainsaw—which the others had failed to notice was without a chain—and dropped beside Anybodys. He reached a hand into the sack of candy they had also stolen and fished out a Snickers bar.

"I still can't believe they didn't notice us sneak in from the bathroom," Anybodys said, ripping off the wrapper to a Hershey's bar.

"Toldja I knew what I was doin'," A-Rab snorted.

"That's a first."

A-Rab hurled another Snickers bar at her. "Trick-or-treat, ya pain in the ass."


End file.
